10 Simple Steps to Finding a Husband

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Ok, so you might be thinking…are there really only 10 steps to finding a husband? And how simple could they be? Well I can only tell you that I’m confident that these steps will help get you there and I can also attest it won’t always be simple. It’s simple in that once you start step #1 you’re well on your way to getting through all of them and anything else that’ll get you to your one day husband. 

finding husband holding hands shadow

So let’s begin!

#1Surrender all things to the Lord. ALL THINGS, not just some. That includes your past and any lingering unhealthy relationships. Some other areas to surrender would be sex before marriage, drunkenness, anger, addictions, pornography, masturbation, gossip, pride, selfishness, jealousy. Give them up once and for all. Meaning, let God lead you in all these areas. Open your heart up to Him and allow Him to convict you and instruct you on what it is you should and shouldn’t do.

It’s important that this be something between you and God. I strongly believe God deals with each of us individually and to different degrees. Don’t look to anyone else as a way to pressure yourself into doing something you’re not ready for, whether good or bad. Only God can lead you in the proper way so you don’t end up relapsing.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT)

#2STOP trying to find a husband. So even when you submit to the Lord you’re probably still a bit of a hot mess until steps #3-5 LOL Everything in due time, but it’s important that the focus be taken away from finding your prince charming and focusing on being the beauty you were created to be.

Stop searching for a him and start searching for you.

You don’t have to search him out because he will find you. If you find yourself searching or reaching you’re doing it all wrong and it’ll most likely fail. The only do, is making yourself available and only really after you get to step #9.

I used to be against the double standard and in my naiveness felt like I could have just as much of the power as men. Whether he made the first move or I made the first move didn’t matter. It wasn’t until I found out what our purpose as women is, that my POV changed. We are to be pursued and courted. It doesn’t mean being a snob and making a man work extra hard just because. It simply means a) don’t go chasing any man and b) what is really in your heart?Just because you don’t chase a man doesn’t mean deep down you’re not desperate for a man. It’s very likely it’s one of the prominent thoughts in your mind and heart and something you always think about when you see or meet a man. You play hard to get until you can’t take it anymore and you dive in out of desperation only to get hurt…with the end result being bitterness. Pace yourself. Let him find you. He will.

He who finds a [true] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22 AMP)

#3Spend time with God, daily. Before I met my husband, the way I spent time with the Lord was a few minutes first thing when I woke up or in the bathroom stall at work. God knows your heart. You will be amazed at what a 5-10 minute prayer can do for your day. 

When I first started committing to this I had been distant from the Lord so all I did was have quiet time while listening to the Christian or Gospel station on Pandora. Soon enough, time with the Lord became my very own private party full of awesome prayer and worship. Oftentimes, after my quick prayer in the morning I had breakfast and coffee while leading into praise & worship, journaling, praying, or reading. If that wasn’t the case, I made sure to pray at night before going to bed.

It’s important you pick a place you can constantly go to. You can even make it your own with inspirational art, quotes, flowers, candles, a cute rug or pillows. Something that has helped me spend time with God are devotionals, music, journals, notecards, and books. I’ve even put a wholesome playlist together and went for a jog. Very uplifting! But don’t worry if you don’t have a little nook of your own just yet, any location will do. Even if it’s your friend or sister’s couch. I’m certainly evidence of it.

#4Allow the Lord to search your heart. Don’t be alarmed at some of the things that will be found. You must be open to it every day. Begin by inviting the Holy Spirit into your life daily during step #3. Each day is an opportunity for a new lesson or new discovery of self. Let the walls come down. You have to get broken down, so you can be built back up.

Maybe there are some things from step #1 you’ve failed to let go of. They’ll most definitely be made known to you. Now that you know, what will you do? Step #5.

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life. (Psalm 139:23-24 MSG)

#5Let Him prune all the areas that need work. Time to work on self! Now that you know what needs scrubbing, lean on God for wisdom and strength. This is going to hurt soooooo good sometimes. Other times it’s simply going to stink. But know that when it’s all said and done you’ll be much better and it will feel great. A weight lifted off your life!

Unforgiveness, anger, hurts, greed, selfishness, impatience, gossip, jealousy…these are just some of the things that might need to be squeezed out of you.

He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. (John 15:2 NLT)

When we are punished, it seems to us at the time something to make us sad, not glad. Later, however, those who have been disciplined by such punishment reap the peaceful reward of a righteous life. (Hebrews 12:11 NLT)

#6Enjoy yourself and have fun with fam and friends. The key here is to focus on quality relationships with the ones closest to you. Take all that energy that was focused on giving attention to time wasters and players to focus on the ones who will love you through the good and the bad. Make it your effort to give them undivided attention, love, and time. The best is actually praying with them and attending church with them. Maybe you can even find their Love Languages! Get to know them on a different level. It’s important that this foundation is tightened up before you join to another family unit, don’t you think?

For me, the best was spending quality time with my nephews. Not a single second taken for granted!

Sidebar: having fun doesn’t mean getting drunk. If more times than not that’s the case, I suggest you reevaluate and further work on yourself and the above steps. It shows a lack of self-control. I’ve been there before and nothing substantial comes out of it. I’ve learned to create just as memorable moments while sober. There are so many alternates. Besides, how can you function your best in a relationship with a lack of self-control? In essence, you’re asking for something you’re not ready for. Check yourself.

#7Stay busy doing productive and pure things. This goes with #6. Be involved in things that will add value to your life and your process. Every single thing you do is important. You will reap what you watch, read, or listen to.

Some options are volunteering, doing ministry/mission work, joining a church or bible study group, pick up something you’ve always wanted to learn, read wholesome books, watch movies non threatening to your process (again wholesome), watch sermons and videos, learn a DIY craft, or throw a little dinner party.

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8 MSG)

#8Get to know people, don’t just meet them. Allow the Lord to use you by helping others. One of the best feelings is to be a blessing in someone else’s life. Be excited to meet people simply so God can use you in their life and not because you want God to use them in yours. When you’re willing to be a servant to others, by default God will take care of you and you’ll always have a solid support system.

A tip: be comfortable being uncomfortable. Your boundaries will be pushed so you can get to know other people better and become sensitive to their needs. Really know their heart and their struggles. You have to be able to see through their mess so you can pray for them if not with them. Let your light shine on them.

#9Continue to work on yourself. Become the best you that you can be. Clean better, cook better, work better, smile better, drive better. Allow the steps above to make you more wise, patient, loving, and faithful. You’re basically in preparation for when the time comes for you to start a family of your own. You’ll soon be a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, etc.

Just know, that while you want God to send you a nicely packaged man, that man would also like a nicely packaged woman. God is working on him. Whomever your him will be. 

#10When the time comes, be cool. It’s normal to meet a man, get to know him a little, and it not pan out. Just don’t go dating everybody and anybody for the sake of finding your husband (see step #2). Always seek God’s guidance when a prospect presents himself because only then will you be sure and certain of what to do next.

Let the man pursue you and court you at his pace. Let him be the leader. The right man usually will and that is ok. The right guy will also be nothing short of a gentleman while making it very clear to you in what his intentions are. He won’t be perfect but He for sure will make you feel comfortable in getting to know each other. No pressure, no games, and definitely no testiness.

And above all these [put on] love  and  enfold yourselves with the bond of perfectness [which binds everything together completely in ideal harmony]. (Colossians 3:14 AMP)

While you get to know each other, don’t believe the lies of the enemy. You’re a new person in Christ and with Him you can conquer all things, old and new. Sometimes the past will sneak out, you’ll have emotions come out of left field, people will pop up and although normal, it shouldn’t overcome you. Know that you no longer live in the past and that you’ve made a decision to move forward.

There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (1 John 4:18 MSG)

Lastly, be open to different type of men and different ways of meeting. Look at it through His eyes. I know there are certain things you’d like to see in your future spouse, yet you have no clue as to how He will deliver him to you.

Can you relate to these steps? Are you having a hard time with any of the steps? I’d love to hear ideas, suggestions, or tales from some of your personal experiences. Share by leaving a comment below.

God bless!


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